Feelings happen. We do not create them, but we do respond to them. We can respond like a child does. This we call Feel/Act/Regret. This is when the action is based on the feeling, not on the situation. "You have made me angry, so I will strike out at you." The feeling gives the person permission to act in ways contary to their normal behaviour. This is true for all feelings whether it be anger, hate, love or happiness.

This is not accepting a feeling, but indulging it. To restate, "Whenever an action is based on a feeling, the action stands a good chance of being inappropriate and is indulging the feeling, not accepting it."

What about when you feel love or compassion? The same applies. When my wife and I first met we were deeply in love. Acting from those feelings of love our work suffered, our children took a backseat and there were times when we were inappropraite in public.

Compassion is no different. If you study the history of international aid, it is littered with actions based on compassion, not on understanding. These projects have often resulted in the community being worse off than before. A prime example is the Canadian farmer who decided that African farmers needed tractors. He managed to get donations and took them all off to Africa. The tractors were welcomed and quickly put to use. Then the problems started. The climate is different in Africa than Canada. The tilled soil was quickly washed away in heavy rains. There were no parts and soon they were all sitting, useable with the rich African soil now gone.

Accepting a feeling is to FEEL it and NOT act on it. Imagine what that might be like.

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